Training Wheels—My Journal Part 1

This is the first time on this blog I’m diving into my journal and picking out some excerpts I’ve learned from and want to share. Let me know if you got anything from this, because I had a blast doing it!

Quote 1:

“Maybe I’d be happier with less demanding to-do lists. Just doing what feels right. Riding a bike is more fun and significantly faster without training wheels.” —September 10, 2020

That week, I was keeping really long and strict to-do lists, and I noticed that I felt irritable; I felt like I was at the whim of them, and I didn’t like that. Since recognizing that in my journal, I’ve been trying to keep to-do lists that guide my day rather than determine every second of them.

Quote 2:

This quote is in reference to my friend inviting me to go out with her to Starbuck’s and then a book store.

“I really feel like I needed this today. I wonder if she does too. It’s grounding to have something to look forward to. It’s an anchor to the future—you’ll make it there, if for no other reason than that.” —September 11, 2020

I stand by this one hundred percent, and it’s something that I’m super glad I recognized. Since realizing that I enjoy having something to look forward to, I set up a system to make me wake up on time (because I’ve been slipping). It’s a reward system: if I wake up without snooze for 5 days in a row, I’m letting myself take a warm bath with a candle and relaxing music. 10 days is a poetry session, and 20 a personal spa session. And as of writing this, I’ve done 5 days in a row, and while it’s been able to keep my disciplined, I’m also super excited for the bath I’m taking tonight.

Quote 3:

“My heart rate feels a bit elevated. But ain’t nothing ‘wrong’ with that. So I’m not gonna complain.” —September 12, 2020

I like this quote, and I think it was important for me to realize that there wasn’t anything wrong with being anxious then. Anxiety is just a feeling to be felt. Some feel it more than others, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just how it is, and I’m wasting my time if I actively resent that.

Quote 4:

“I just finished putting up LED lights. Why do I feel so good and cozy? Is it shamelessly affirming and building my sense of self?” —September 14, 2020

This is another important thing I learned about myself this week: I really like doing things that strengthen or build what it means to be me. I really enjoy exploring new hobbies, decorating my personal area, and things like that.

Quote 5:

“Feel strongly and learn about yourself, and you’re just about there.” —September 16, 2020

A good rule of thumb: feelings are meant to be felt, and I think it’s important to take actions that allow you to feel what your mind demands is felt, guilt-free. If a slight sadness has been bothering you all day, do it up! Put on sad music, dim the lights, drink tea and lay in bed. Feel it, and it will pass.