Failure vs. Success—My Journal Part 2

Quote 1:

“What is my grand goal? To be a neuroscientist and author of a book like Flow—science-backed and instructional. I do not want to be a blogger or Youtuber. I think it’d be in my best interest to save that ‘personality’ for my books. That being said, maybe I should open Above Cognition up.” —9/20/20

I said that I don’t want to be a blogger or YouTuber, and that’s odd because I’m producing content both for a blog and for YouTube. What I meant by it is that I don’t want it to ever be my job. And by “open above cognition up,” I mean dropping the idea that it should just be me working on it. By opening it up, I will allow myself more opportunity to reach wider audiences. Even though a touch of the personality will be lost, I will try my best to retain it and I fully intend on writing books one day where my personality can shine through.

Quote 2:

“I think I’m pivoting. Neither success nor failure, but a pivot—a recognition that the path I’m on is not one I want forever.” —9/20/20

This was the same day as the last quote. My attitude toward this website and my YouTube channel shifted a bit. I went from feeling I should be isolated to accepting of cooperation. I didn’t succeed by making this decision, and I certainly didn’t fail either: it’s just a bit of a different attitude.

Quote 3:

“The best I can do is be steady and not change anything about myself or my actions based on one grade that’s making me think more than others.” —9/23/20

This is in reference to an exam I got a 44.5/48 on, which is a 92.8%. Obviously, that’s a fine grade, especially for a college exam of which content I learned from home, but it still bugged me. I had a weird illusion of maintaining perfect grades, and so this sat in my mind. I tried to recognize that my grade is absolutely fine and I probably did comparatively well. I put an emphasis on maintaining my identity during the brief time it was shaken, and I did.

Quote 4:

“I think I could use that principle where work fills up the time you allot it to my advantage.” —9/24/20

I don’t know who said it, but many productivity “hacks” will suggest setting timers, because work tends to fill up the amount of time you give it. And so, it often happens that I have a very productive Monday and/or Tuesday, and then I kind of grow a little more passive for the rest of the week. If I could maintain that steady productivity for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I would easily finish my schoolwork for the week, which would give me more time to work on my online presence.

Quote 5:

“I’m always anxious that I won’t be productive in a given day. I guess I should realize that worry is not inherently bad, and it’s actually helped me in many ways.” —9/17/20

It’s literally the reason I began this website. If I’m ever successful, I will have nothing to thank more than my worried mind. And my perception of it is already shifting—you can use almost any bad event as an opportunity that will allow you to change the way you think of it. And that’s pretty powerful.

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